WARNING SIGNS
of machiavellianism, narcissism, and psychopathy within a relationship
Sections:
RED FLAGS
3 Things Psychopaths Always Say
13 Signs of a Psychopath
How Narcissists Use Future-faking
15 Things Narcissists Don't Do
How Narcissists Play Games to Seduce & Abandon You
5 Things Psychopaths & Narcissists Do in Conversation
12 Things Most Narcissists Do
Outward Signs
RED FLAGS
FLATTERY LIKE YOU’VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE
HE IS JUST LIKE YOU
Psychopaths will try to convince you that you are soul mates, just alike. He loves all the things you love and you have all of the same interests. If you had a tough childhood, he will say something like, "We both had it rough. That's why we understand each other." If there's and obscure book you love, he will make sure he loves it too. What he's doing is called "mirroring.: He has no real identity, so he sucks yours up and mirrors it back to you.
PITY PLAYS
Pay careful attention to what a psychopath says on the first few dates about his ex and other people in his life. Is his ex girlfriend crazy and stalking him? Did another girlfriend rob him blind? Is his mother controlling and horrible? Does he seem like he's had a rough time with people, who always use and abandon him? Whatever he says about other people in his life is pretty much exactly what he'll be saying about you at some point, so listen carefully.
ILLNESSES & INJURIES
Psychopaths absolutely love pity, so pay attention to how many illnesses and injuries he's had. Did he miraculously beat cancer but it could come back at any minute? Does he break his foot on your second date and has to cancel? (But strangely is okay for the third date?) Did he lose his first wife in a car accident that left him with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and seems fine)? Try to check out his stories -- call hospitals if you need to -- but don't be surprised if he has an excuse for why you can't find any record of any of his traumas.
CRACKS IN THE MASK
A psychopath will sometimes blurt out something odd about himself, apropos of nothing. Like you might be cooking dinner and suddenly he blurts, "I'm crazy you know." Or "I'm cheating on you." He will then either deny he said it or play it off as a joke. A form of keeping you off balance -- but also possibly an unconscious slip of the mask of his persona.
SILENT TREATMENT
Once psychopaths have you hooked after the "love bombing" and "idealization" phase, they then begin to devalue you. The first step in that is usually to give you the silent treatment over something. Psychopaths are also known to disappear for days at a time. Be sure, the silent treatment and disappearing act will be laid squarely at your feet. In reality, he is off sizing up his next target somewhere.
TRIANGULATION
Psychopaths love to work you up into a state of obsessive frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you and then begin pulling away and "triangulating." This is when they introduce other people into the mix to make you jealous. It could be an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of the same sex, or even a celebrity. In the psychopaths mind, everyone else wants him, so you better be on your best behavior, or he will move on to one of his adoring fans.
DISCARD
The final phase of the psychopath is the "discard" phase. After he sucks you in with idealization, then begins to devalue you, he will suddenly discard you as if you never had a relationship. You are suddenly completely worthless to him. He will usually move on to another target at this point.
HOOVERING
Although a psychopath will discard you, he doesn't quite want you moving on either. If he senses you are done with him, he will suddenly do an about-face, and begin bombarding you with pleas to stay together. He will try to "Hoover" you back in by saying everything you've ever wanted to hear, making a million promises, and suddenly being on his absolute best behavior. It's all an act so he can get you back into the fold.
The only way to get rid of a psychopath is to completely go no contact. It's the only thing that doesn't fuel his games and ego. He will make that difficult for you -- some psychopaths will stalk you, most will Hoover. But to engage him in any way, even just to tell him off, only leaves you open to more mind games, which he will win, because he has no feelings. (Those who have children with psychopaths must develop low contact, and keep in touch only as much as absolutely needed as regards the children.)
Of course, nobody is perfect, and some people are just immature and go through periods of giving the silent treatment, or "devaluing" you with critical comments. Other people may triangulate to create jealousy because they're insecure or bored or don't even quite realize they're doing it.
There are also plenty of garden-variety jerks out there who will engage in a lot of "psychopathic" behavior without being clinical psychopaths. BUT if your lover engages in much or all of this behavior, then he or she is likely psychopathic, and you should run for the hills!
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dating-a-psychopath
Three Things Psychopaths Always Say
These phrases sound normal, but are really red flags that you could be dealing with a psychopath.
“You overanalyze everything.”
No actually, you're an emotional predator. Psychopaths will intentionally do things to make you feel on-edge and paranoid. When you question them, they accuse you over overanalyzing the situation. Psychopaths aim to make you doubt you intuition by constantly planting hints to make you feel anxious and then blaming you for having that anxiety.
“I hate drama.”
And yet, you'll soon come to discover there's more drama surrounding them than anyone you've ever know. And what's worse, anytime you mention your concerns or frustration, they'll declare their hatred of drama and make you feel bad for reacting to their horrible behavior.
“You misunderstood.”
This technique is also known as 'gaslighting.' In essence, it amounts to convincing the other person that the problem is all in his or her own head. A psychopath may even go as far as to deny a particularly problematic exchange ever occurred in order to suggest you're the crazy one. But be assured, you didn't misunderstand. They were being nasty, manipulative, or insane.
http:www.inc.com/jessica-stillma/3-things-psychopaths-always-say.html
13 Signs of a Psychopath
1.) He is incredibly charming, in exactly the way YOU find charming.
Need someone confident, outgoing and warm? The psychopath can do that. Need someone sensitive and a bit bumbling, but with a heart of gold? He can do that too. This charm causes you -his target- to fall under his spell while he focuses intensely on you. His focus is very pleasing to the mind and senses, and it disables your personal boundaries, your gut instincts, and your self-protective behavior (when you need it most). It induces a trance-like state-a pleasant relaxed and focused state of mind that leaves you open to suggestion. You will find yourself wanting to be back in the focus of his potent charm again and again.
This super human charm is often the first and ONLY early red flags of a psychopath, and it is exactly what makes it hard to walk away.* This charm stems from the psychopath's ability to be completely present as they focus on you while they figure out what makes you tick, what flattery you long to hear, and what buttons to push.
You'll feel like the two of you are the only things in the universe, and that you've finally found someone who appreciates you and understands you and sees the good qualities in you that others overlook too often.
2.) He is a glib smooth talker.
Never runs out of amusing anecdotes, and can make the most mundane topics seem interesting and entertaining. He usually does most of the talking. The purpose of this is to relax you and make you comfortable with him.
3.) He will quickly divulge personal details and stories about his past and his life.
This will create false sense of of intimacy that causes you to reciprocate with details about your own life so it seems like you two are getting close. After all, you've both shared personal things; you both risked judgement and rejection by being vulnerable, yet you've supported and accepted each other...
4.) He is very much at ease.
He may have a demeanor of being anxiety-free and without any social awkwardness. Absolutely comfortable in his own skin. His ease puts you at ease - you feel comfortable with him, like the two of you have known each other forever. He's not necessarily attention-grabbing or life of the party, but he is very socially skilled. May come across as unassuming and soft-spoken while maintaining a distinct aura of confidence and presence. Especially watch for someone who exudes a black-leather and a childlike innocence at the same time.
5.) He is fun to be with. Playful.
You have never had so much fun with anyone. You do things you never did before, just like little adventures that take you away from the mundane, and you realize how small and boring your life has became, and how stale the world had seemed. You've come back to life, and you didn't even know you needed to! Or maybe you did know it, and now along comes the perfect person to help you do it!
6.) He claims to be a happy, easy going person, and he sure seems like one initially.
He may tell you nothing gets him down. Since a psychopath has no conscience and no anxiety it's probably true, but you'll see it in a different way and just be happy you haven't ended up with yet another neurotic mate
7.) He is a very active person who is always on the go.
He needs a lot of stimulation and can't tolerate boredom, so he can't stand being alone or sitting still. A psychopath is easily bored, but seldomly boring.
8.) You feel very special in his presence.
You also feel that he's very special, fascinating and unique, unlike anyone you've ever known before.
9.) You find yourself becoming deeply enamored with him very quickly.
He looks at you in a way no man has before; he keeps eyes on you and gives you complete attention. It feels flattering and seductive. Your insecurity about your attractiveness and likability vanish as if they never existed.
10.) He showers you with attention and affection.
He'll be kind, considerate and complimentary. You may feel truly "appreciated" by someone for the first time in your life. It's all positive reinforcement all the time during the very early stage. You will not feel neglected at this point.
Although things may seem unusually intense, it will just convince you that this is the best relationship you've ever had and that he is your perfect partner. This stage is known as “love-bombing.” The manipulator will saturate you in as many ways as possible with love and adoration, so you don't have a moment to come up for air.
11.) There will be big verbal declarations of appreciation and of their feelings about you and all your wonderful qualities.
He’ll talk about how lucky you both are to have found each other, and amazement at all the things you have in common! You'll believe it's the best thing that has ever happened to you, you won't even suspect you are being played.
12.) You've become intensely physically attracted to him.
Even if you were not initially attracted to him, suddenly you feel an overwhelming, magnetic attraction to him more than you have ever felt with anyone else or even knew was possible.
13.) He divulged his "true" feelings for you very quickly.
Telling you he is falling for you and has never experienced such love and attraction before that he never thought he'd fall in love again. And lo and behold, that's exactly how you feel! Your days of unrequited love are finally over.
The relationship will feel...magical. You're finally experiencing what it means to have found your soulmate, even if you didn't believe soulmates existed. He will tell you he believes you're "souls mates," meant to be," or say, "isn't it magic?" You'll feel that you never knew what love was before. You may have only known him for a month, but you're certain you'll be together forever. (He's likely already promising forever too)
Believing someone is your soulmate is, unfortunately, one of the biggest red flags of a psychopath.
Since they're able to mirror your needs and desires perfectly, they're able to create the persona(mask) of your perfect mate, but it is all an illusion.
If you've gotten to this point, there's a good chance the psychopath has already created a strong bond that is the necessary foundation for the manipulation and abuse that follows.
The only thing that can stop it is the awareness of the chance your "soulmate" might not be who you think he is, and awareness may help you retain abilities to see clearly and think critically.
Source: https://psychopathsandlove.com/red-flags-of-a-psychopath
How Narcissists Use Future Faking to Manipulate You
Future faking is one of the most prominent yet subtle tools used by people with strong narcissistic tendencies and other dark personality traits.
If you've had the misfortune to interact with a narcissist, you've certainly witnessed future faking in its most detrimental form.
This kind of manipulation is extremely harmful.
Cognitive dissonance, self-erasure, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, and of course, the feelings of loss for something that the manipulator never intended you to have all produce long-term, rippling consequences.
Future faking is, fundamentally, promising a future that the manipulator has no intention of acting towards, making promises that they wont keep. Instead, they distort reality to get what they want from you now.
It's when a person lies or promises something about your possible future in order to get what they want in the present.
It could be as basic as promising that they will call you later, and then never calling. Or it can be promising to go on a vacation with you, and then never taking any steps to make that happen. Or even promising to marry you, carry you off into the sunset, and living happily ever after, all in order to make you complacent and to control you in the present.
In the hands of a skilled manipulator, future faking preys on your dreams and goals in order to fabricate a possible future so that they can string you along in the now.
These promises are destined to be broken, and can be seen as a form of overpromising and underdelivering.
Essentially, the manipulator will take very little action, if any, towards keeping their promises. Instead, they will keep promising and using other forms of coercive control, passive and active abuse, until you find yourself in such a state that it is easier to go along with whatever the manipulator wants.
Narcissists and others who possess manipulative tendencies lie, but it is the nature of the lie to pay attention to here. In this case, future faking speaks to our hearts.
Our heartfelt desires, whether about marriage, children, work, happiness, traveling, fun times, become weaponized in order to control us.
Eventually, the depth and the breadth of the lie keep you tethered to the manipulator.
When you become wise to their broken promises, they may occasionally take some action to prove that its not as bad as you think. But as soon as you feel comfortable again, it is only more of the same.
This appeal to our emotions is so strong that it may truly fracture our concept of reality.
By the time you have caught on, you may have sunk so much time, emotion, and energy into the relationship that you are unwilling and maybe even unable to disentangle yourself from the future faking spun around you. You simply go along with the manipulator because it is easier at this point.
The manipulator may or may not believe their own lies, but your belief in their future faking appeals to their ego. If you stop believing them or call them out on it, they may lash out at you and force you into complacency.
They may try to blame you and make you feel bad so that you would stay where you are. And if you become complacent, they will then know that they can get away with it. They will keep future faking until you don't accept it.
Narcissists and other manipulators are good at lying and pretending. Be mindful and critical of anything anyone says that seems too good to be true. Whether its coming from a prospective partner, a colleague, a boss, a family member, or even a friend.
If someone habitually and repeatedly talks about the future in order to make you complacent now, ask questions and don't let them distort reality.
Observe if they work towards it, ask them to explain their plan, ask for updates, don't accept too many excuses, and see if its going in the right direction. If you see that its likely just lies with no substance behind it, its just future faking and you will never have it, so act accordingly.
15 Things Narcissists Don't Do
1. They don't show their true selves
2. They don't incorporate security into relationships
3. They never allow you to see them as the bad guy
4. They don't like losing control
5. They won't let people prove them wrong
6. They don't see others as equals
7. They never have sympathy
8. They don't do anything that doesn't benefit them
9. They don't take orders from others
10. They don't like to admit they have feelings
11. They don't listen
12. They don't stick around
13. They don't pick unattractive friends
14. They don't give compliments
15. They don't like to be polite
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/15-things-narcissists-dont.html
How Narcissists Play Games to Seduce & Abandon You
To a narcissist, relationships are considered transactional, like buying and selling. The goal is to get what you want at the lowest price. It's a self-centered, business mindset. Emotions don't intrude.
In relationships, narcissists focus on their goal. For a male narcissist, that's usually sex or to have a beautiful woman at his side. A female narcissist may be looking for material gifts, sex, acts of service, and/or an extravagant courtship.
It’s important to understand a narcissist’s mind. They see relationships as a means to get what they want, without concern for the feelings of the other person. Their only concern is what they can get out of it.
Relationships are used to enhance their ego and give them what they value, such as status, power, positive attention, esteem, and sex.
You have to have something to offer to receive in return. They're only motivated by that, and aren't interested in you as a person or doing anything for you without some sort of payment.
An exclusive commitment, caring, and intimacy that most of us seek in relationships are considered drawbacks to a narcissist, who likes to keep options open.
Sex and intimacy are not usually linked for them.
A relationship with a narcissist will never develop into an I-Thou relationship or even one based on love.
Signs of Game-Playing
Research shows that narcissists' style is Ludus love, and their objective is to enjoy uncommitted pleasure.
They're playing a game, and winning is the goal. This strikes the perfect balance to get their needs met from multiple people, without many demands on them to be emotionally intimate or to meet other needs of their partner(s).
Some examples of game-playing are:
- Being hard to reach or ghosting (disappearing)
- Going hot and cold; e.g. pursuing then distancing, such as slow to return calls or texts, or only sending short, impersonal texts
- Making promises they can't or don't keep
- Lying or being slippery and hard to pin down
- Being very seductive and moving fast in the beginning
- Refusing to discuss the relationship
- Flirting in front of you
- Hiding you from friends and family
- Expecting you to mind read
- Withholding feelings or sex
- Blaming you and playing the victim
- Not calling or texting first
Game-Playing and Love
Good social skills allow them to make a good initial first impression. They're engaging, charming, and energetic, and research reveals that they possess emotional intelligence that helps them perceive, express, understand, and manage emotions.
In fact, one study revealed that most people like narcissists when they first meet them. It was only after seven meetings that they started to see the narcissist's darker side and changed their opinion. Many narcissists are adept at attracting and entertaining people. They're not considered boring!
It's easy to be seduced by generosity, expressions of love, flattery, sex, romance, and promises of commitment. This is how narcissists manipulate you to achieve their aims. They brag about themselves in order to be admired, loved, and gratified.
Codependents with low self-esteem are easy targets. You might fall into the trap of idealizing them, sacrificing your needs, and little by little tolerating their increasingly self-centered and abusive behavior.
Narcissists can be persuasive lovers. Some practice love-bombing by overwhelming you with verbal, physical, and material expressions of love.
While some remain single, narcissists often marry and develop Storge or Pragma love. But that may not stop them from seeking the thrill of continuing to play games with new conquests. They may not intentionally lie when confronted, but they're skilled at deception.
For example, a narcissist might tell you that you're her boyfriend, but later you discover she has another "boyfriend," and she'll deny she ever lied.
He will say he was working late at the office, but omit that he had a romantic dinner his paramour.
Narcissists who also have psychopathic traits are more nefarious and dangerous.
They're capable of gaslighting, exploitation, and criminal behavior.
Narcissists prioritize power over intimacy.
They loathe vulnerability, which they consider weak.
To maintain control, they avoid closeness and prefer dominance and superiority over others.
Game-playing thus strikes the perfect balance to both get their needs met and keep their options open to flirt or date multiple partners.
When they lose interest and decide the game is over, it's devastating to their ex, who can't understand what happened and is still in love.
Breakups are especially hard during the romantic phase when passions are strong.
Being dropped after love bombing can leave discarded partners in shock. They feel confused, crushed, and betrayed.
If the relationship had continued, eventually they would have seen through the narcissist's seductive veneer.
Narcissists can develop positive feelings toward their partner, but without deep love, they lack the motivation to maintain their façade and romance. That's when fault-finding begins. They can become cold, critical and angry, especially when they don't get their way. Eventually, they must look elsewhere for their narcissistic supplies.
What to Do
There are steps you can take to protect yourself from becoming a victim of a narcissist's games and changing the relationship dynamic. If it doesn't improve, it may take courage to leave, but it's painful then being left.
- Knowledge is power. Not only information about narcissism, but learn about your date before you start fantasizing a romantic future and give away your heart. Pay attention to words and actions over time, not just flattery and words of love. (See "How to Spot a Narcissist.") If you're uneasy or suspicious, trust your gut.
- Walk away from a date who doesn't respond, seems too busy, preoccupied, or interested in you.
- Talk about distancing behavior. Share your feelings, and find out what's going on. You may learn that your date is seeing other people, just wants to have "fun," or doesn't want a commitment.
- Take control and confront bad behavior, such as unreliability, criticism, and rudeness. This requires the ability to trust your feelings, to be assertive, and to set boundaries. Confrontations aren't ultimatums. Instead, learn to do it strategically.
- Don't be available 24/7. If he disappears, you can confront that, but the bottom line is that his behavior speaks volumes. Remember, not only are there other fish in the sea, this one is toxic!
https://medium.com/narcissism-and-abusive-relationships/how-narcissists-play-games-to-seduce-and-abandon-you
5 Things Psychopaths & Narcissists Will Do in Conversation
1) Confides in you immediately.
He was betrayed by a wife who took everything but has succeeded in rebuilding his fortune. He's on retainer with the NSA: Can't get into it today, but you'll be reading about it in the news this year. Yes, he is married, but only because his wife is highly unstable; she would fall apart if he leaves right now.
Whatever the disclosure, it comes before he even knows whether or not you are trustworthy. And it involves a way in which he is vulnerable or powerful; wholly transparent or movie-star mysterious.
What's going on:
The full-on disclosure is a bid for sympathy and for forced intimacy. His involvement in high-profile events "off-stage" is meant to impress. The more quickly you bond or become enamored, the more quickly the next phase of manipulation can begin.
Whatever the content, a surefire warning sign is the premature timing. These individuals offer revelations before any intimacy has been established-maybe even within minutes of meeting you for the first time.
2) Repeats "confidential" information that he's already shared with you.
The stories about the wife who took his fortune or the top-secret government contract may be repeated verbatim or near-verbatim from one encounter to the next. Sure, we all have our pet narratives and canned stories that engender eye rolls amongst those who have heard them multiple times. So pay close attention to the nature of the information that is repeated. article continues after advertisement
What's going on:
If self-serving or self-aggrandizing information is repeatedly recycled, the individual is likely using a script, one that he's forgotten that he's already deployed with you. Psychopaths in particular are glib, and mendacity is their lingua franca.
Sometimes they lie for no reason other than their own amusement. But they also lie to further specific agendas, and that is when they are most likely to go on auto-pilot in the delivery of false, scripted stories. Because people are interchangeable in the eyes of a psychopath or a narcissist-one-dimensional beings in whom they have no genuine interest-it can be hard for them to remember what they've said, and to whom.
3) Asks no personal questions or asks very pointed questions.
You may walk out of a social encounter or a date and realize you have not been asked one single question about yourself, despite having learned a ton about the individual (see above). Pay attention to the degree of informational asymmetry: Does he disclose an enormous amount without asking or expecting you to reciprocate?
What's going on:
If nothing is asked of you and no interest is expressed, then script delivery is the entire point of the encounter. If he asks a ton of questions but moves quickly from one to another, rather than allowing the conversation to organically unfold, he may be mining you for data, including information that can be used to gain a sense of your vulnerabilities. When chatting with a new target, psychopaths frequently strive to elicit information about stressors or life problems, so that they can ingratiate themselves with offers of assistance. This is an effort to gain your trust, of course.
4) Asks for special favors.
Asking for "special favors" is a DSM-V criterion for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder; so common is this behavior. While most people ask for favors out of genuine need or to build intimacy, narcissists and psychopaths are more likely to do so because they feel entitled to others' time and effort. They may literally use the term "special" to convey that you are on the receiving end of a privilege that they deign to bestow.
What's going on:
These requests can serve multiple functions; after all, psychopaths and narcissists are expedient as well as grandiose. They may simply see you as someone to be used in the manner best suited to their immediate needs.
They may wish to create a dynamic in which you are conscious of your subservience. Your compliance with a request, however small, may be a test. You pass if you betray a willingness to be controlled or manipulated.
Expect more and escalating requests, either out of pure Machiavellian utility or because such acts will further graft you to this individual.
As intimacy increases, the psychopath in particular may become fixated on a target executing his request, as a clear test of wills. article continues after advertisement
5) Makes odd asides about you.
Off-the-wall statements may come couched as assumptions, positive or negative. You are discussing your family and he might say, "It must be hard to be the smartest person in the room." This won't compute-you've never said you were smart, nor characterized yourself relative to your family. Such a remark would not be intended merely to flatter you, but also to passive-aggressively put down your family.
What's going on:
Psychopaths and narcissists have no direct lock on uncharitable jabs. But when statements are made by people who do not otherwise appear blunt or obtuse, they may be deliberate attempts to destabilize you.
This too can be a test, to see whether you will stand up for yourself, or whether you will do spade work to reclaim this person's kindness or affection, which may suddenly feel imperiled after an ugly remark. Cruel statements that are seemingly out of the blue can also signal the willful or absent-minded removal of the mask.
Unpleasant remarks can be all of the above: Psychopaths and narcissists love to keep others guessing; it reinforces their power.
The psychopath's default attitude toward others is one of disdain. This person does not like you, and he is in fact inwardly mocking you throughout the conversation.
Unkind remarks are but the first clue. Stick around and these statements will come faster and more furiously.
Non-Verbal Clues.
Those who have engaged with psychopaths or narcissists often retroactively report having had an initial feeling that something was off, but they did not heed it. Some actually said that they felt queasy or sensed a coldness in the individual, but brushed it aside because they wanted to like the person or were flattered by his attention.
Neither a perfectly crafted mask nor the world's most charming repartee can fully camouflage a lack of emotional empathy, which is the defining hallmark of both psychopathy and narcissism.
A person cannot wholly fake that which they do not experience, even if they say and do "all the right things." So while your conscious mind focuses on an individual's statements and conversational style, your subconscious registers possible discrepancies between that person's outward comportment and his hidden feelings.
Stay attuned to both avenues of information if you suspect you are in the presence of a person who wants to manipulate you, or who is nothing like the entity they are conjuring in conversation.
This post pairs two frequently overlapping disorders because the behaviors described are hallmarks of both a psychopathic/antisocial personality and of narcissistic personality disorder. The pronoun "he" is used throughout for the sake of simplicity.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brainstorm/201712/5-things-psychopaths-and-narcissists-will-do-in-conversation
12 Weird Things Most Narcissists Do
1.) They don't blink when they look at you. Some narcs have a predatory gaze.
If a person of the opposite gender looks at you this way, you may take it as sexual interest (and it could be), but watch carefully: if they do not blink this could mean they are sizing you up as prey. Whether they blink or not, if their stare makes you squirm, getaway. Listen to your instincts.
2.) They interrupt you or talk over you constantly.
Interrupting is one of the weird things narcissists do. If someone only seems to care about what they are going to say next, and don't even seem to have heard what you said, suspect a narcissist.
3.) Whatever you tell them is really all about them.
If you say something to them about yourself, rather than acknowledge you, instead they always relate it to back something that happened to them. You do not exist.
4.) Their eyes look flat or dead.
This is a "dead" giveaway and those eyes usually belong to someone high on the spectrum-a malignant narcissist or a psychopath. Get away from this person.
5.) They sometimes act psychotic.
All malignant narcissists are highly unstable, and their delusions can rival those of someone with schizophrenia. In fact, narcissists denied supply over long periods of time or who have suffered a severe loss can, in fact, become psychotic. Schizophrenic-like neologisms and nonsensical conversation that sounds like word salad isn't that uncommon in a malignant narcissist living in mortal fear of losing their "mask of sanity."
6.) They have dramatic, unsettling mood swings.
Narcissist mood swings (mask switching) can be so sudden and inexplicable you may think you're dealing with someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). For example, a narcissist mother can seem to be happily playing with her child and suddenly, for no discernable reason, start screaming at or hitting the child.
7.) They are bad sports.
They will act like babies if they lose a game. I remember once seeing a grown man in his 40's get so angry that he lost Monopoly that he picked up the game board and tossed it across the room, while everyone looked on in horror. If they can't win, they will ruin the game for everyone else.
8.) They have dark interests or like things that make most people uncomfortable.
Narcissists, especially high on the spectrum, walk on the dark side and this shows in their obsession with things like the occult, mass murderers, the Holocaust, or weapons. They may listen to dark music such as death metal or watch slasher movies. Many people are interested in these things, but a malignant narcissist or psychopath, even if they put on a mask of being an upstanding moral citizen, usually have a secret hobby or interest in something dark or evil. They may not talk about it in public, but they have one.
9.) They can't let nature take its course.
Hyper focused on appearance and take pride in their delusion that they look far younger than they actually are.
10.) They have an affected way of speaking.
Dahhhh-ling, this can manifest as a fake foreign accent, or just a speaking voice that sounds fake and affected, as if they are acting on a stage. It comes off to others as more annoying than glamorous though.
11.) They use exaggerated mannerisms, facial expressions, or speaking voice.
Like actors in silent movies, who used exaggerated expressions and mannerisms to make up for the fact they couldn't speak in those films, some narcissists (probably because they can't feel emotions the way normal people can) overact to the point of being rather hilarious
12.) They have conversations with themselves.
I've heard many a narcissist talk to themselves-and actually answer themselves back. Does this mean they are insane? Do they hear voices in their heads? Or are they practicing what they might say to someone in a hypothetical conversation ahead of time (remember, everything they do is fake, so they might have to pre-plan how they will respond to others in advance)? Who knows?
Outward Signs
Well, there are many outward signs that should get your Spidey senses tingling..
At first, they may come across as exceedingly charming and likable. You know...that person you just couldn't wait to see again because they made you feel so good?
However, if you dig a little deeper you might just notice that they:
- always bring the conversation back to themselves
- tend to brag about their abilities or accomplishments
- like to name-drop
- are really quite superficial and are unable to truly be vulnerable...there is no such thing as a deep conversation with a true narcissist
- are inclined to fish for compliments because of their exaggerated need for validation
- can become hostile when criticized...even with constructive criticism
- are perfectionistic
- like to one-up everyone because they view themselves as superior
- may not follow the rules because of their sense of entitlement
- are incapable of self-reflection and unable to take responsibility for their own actions. They like to play the "blame game"
- are control freaks, so they tend to not communicate very well and certainly don't work as part of a team
- posses an obvious lack of empathy of others...they truly don't know the meaning of the phrase "to put yourself in someone else's shoes"
- may be overly critical of others
- lack boundaries, as part of their sense of entitlement
- have a lot of superficial friends, perhaps on their social media accounts; however, they are severely lacking in close or long-term friendships or relationships.
- in general, they just leave a wake of wreckage behind them wherever they go...be it a series of broken friendships, intimate relationships gone seriously wrong, or horrible work experiences.
These are some of the outward signs you may be dealing with a narcissistic person; however, I want to dig a little deeper and look at some of the inward signals we really need to be watching out for. In other words, how they make us feel.
As I mentioned earlier, a narcissistic person will make you feel truly special at the beginning of your relationship. They may shower you with compliments, or take you on great adventures. They will make you feel so good that you may just ignore some of the warning signs.
You may even start to make excuses for their poor behavior..."he must have just had a bad day." Or..."wow, that person must have really hurt her." Or you may even take it on yourself..."I must have misunderstood."
After you're completely drawn in, the narcissist in your life is going to start changing it up and become manipulative. It will be subtle at first, but over time, you will start doubting yourself and may even find yourself living in a fog of confusion.
You may feel like you just aren't good enough and can't do anything right. Your self-esteem will be stripped away and you will be forever walking on eggshells trying to appease the person who once made you feel incredibly special.
Sources: https://pathwaysfamilycoaching.com/types-of-narcissists/