As Narcissists Get Older


Their bitterness, anger, and frustration, will turn to hate, and they will be crowned with jealousy. All of their tactics will turn against themselves because they'll have no one there to blame.

Consequence will stare them straight in the face, but they will refuse to see their own reflection. The veil of their blindness will fall over them like a thick fog, but they will be too afraid, and fragile to see it. They'll get depressed at the slightest lifting of that veil. 

They'll continue their tactics, blaming every one, avoiding responsibility, turning away from consequence, but they'll only dig a deeper hole, and the wounds will get deeper. 

Their delusions will trick them, they'll think they found another victim, another way to manipulate, a different trick to pull, still thinking they're smarter, but their attempts will backfire over and over again.

Sections:

  • What Happens as Narcissists Get Older 
  • Why They Worsen with Age
  • How to Cope with Hurting Someone
  • Resources for Narcissists
  • Opinions
  • IPAQ (Abuse Assessment Tool)
Having Empathy for a Narcissist

What Happens as Narcissists Get Older?


Something scary. In most instances... "Karma?"


On the face of it, most narcissists seem to be able to swan through life, charming and confident, without a care in the world for the trail of destruction, chaos and heartache they leave in their wake.
 

They have little remorse, and nothing appears to be able to halt their unstoppable march toward further emotional devastation of anyone conned into caring about them.
 

This is a fallacy, however. Meet what is referred to as Narcissistic Collapse, something that becomes increasingly probable and imminent as they age.


Narcissistic Collapse

The Aging Narcissist or Sociopath will possibly thrive well into their 20s and 30s, having given the impression to everyone they have been popular or the "cool person" since childhood. By the time they reach their 40s, the tables begin to turn. 


As they begin to show age and resent it, they lose the power to charm and entrance people by using their looks. By the time they hit their 50s and 60s, most narcissistic people start to lose friends and have less influence. Health rapidly declines.  
 
This happens when they can no longer manage to maintain the charade, or the gap between their false and true self. Hard reality knocks, and the vulnerability of their false self is laid bare.

Their looks catch up with them. They've pissed so many supporters off along the way that people steer clear.

The players in their make-believe world including friends, enablers and flying monkeys wake up to realize that the whole victim narrative was a string of lies and that it is they who are the toxic ones, and not their victims.

That none of their apparent "success" in life is actually attributable to them but was essentially stolen or borrowed from others.
 
That all of their crazy and abusive exes are in fact not unhinged, but were made to appear that way by all of the crazy-baiting and drama deliberately caused by the narc themselves. Their children wake up to the reality that their normal range parents loved them all along.


Mental Breakdown

Narcissistic Collapse presents itself as a massive mental breakdown after which they become withdrawn and isolated. They struggle to face themselves, and as a result can't face the world.  They are mean and bitter, and it is someone else's fault - as ever. Narcissistic Collapse is generally permanent - the narcissist never recovers for the rest of their life.


Narcissistic Hibernation

There is a less common variant known as Narcissistic Hibernation. This generally happens when the Narcopath loses their key sources of narcissistic supply and therefore struggles to maintain their charade.

They lie low until another is found and from whom they are able to derive sufficient narcissistic supply to feel good enough about themselves to face the world again.


Karma

This is the karma about which pundits offer refer. It'll happen, sure enough. And if you as a victim want to accelerate the onset of narcissistic collapse, just go out there an thrive. Your success deals the hammer blows.

“Now their victims can sit back and enjoy, but they won't. They'll only feel sad for them, they will pity them, and try to help them get over their shame.”

Narcs usually end up with some serious mental problems, mostly medicated. By their late 30s, they've become too much for others to handle. By their 40's, and 50′s things begin to shift.
  
They've isolated themselves from the people who truly cared about them, and if parents, the children who they said they "love."
 

Since they've avoided responsibility all their lives, and relied on others to meet their basic needs, they often eventually struggle with simple acts. Dictators by nature, and having no one to dictate to, they'll have to cope with their own demands and find that they can't keep up with these demands themselves.

Why Narcissists Worsen with Age

 Aging is part of the normal developmental stage in life for everybody. We cannot escape it and although we rather wouldn't like to get older, but with this comes a maturity and new found wisdom that you can only get through life experience.

We often hear ourselves saying "if only we know that 10 years ago". But what the narcissist cannot do is dodge, lie, cheat, hide or talk their way out of the aging aging  process. Old age DOES catch up with them and it its not pretty!

    They usually get worse as they age. They get progressively more skilled at manipulation from experience. They get more arrogant. They get more brazen.


    And finally they start to lose the need to mask what they are doing in what appears to be old age related, simply cant be bothered going to the trouble of faking it any longer, kind of behavior. 
     

    I have literally NEVER had one say their narc got BETTER with time. Always it got worse as they aged- unless you are talking about children. If so then the answer is - they grew up. Children are essentially all narcissists because narcissists are essentially children that never fully grew up.


    Aging is hard. For so many of us, losing our vitality and facing our mortality is a scary, painful grind. But we discover upsides, like knowing stuff, slowing down to listen, seeing our kids and grandkids thrive and helping them when they falter, enjoying long-term connections with family and friends, recognizing our core values and releasing shallow pursuits, reaping the fruits of our professional and personal labors. 

     

    The wise among us take time to reflect, savor, and continue finding ways to grow and give back, like deeply ringed trees breathing out life-giving oxygen.
     

    Bette Davis aptly said, "growing old is not for sissies." Pathetically, there is no bigger 'sissy' than a never-changing narcissist. And as their sources of self-worth and identity dwindle, they become more brittle and weak, likely to wither at first frost rather than root in for winter and bloom again.
     

    Bitterness

    Instead of maturing, mellowing, and gaining wisdom, people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), unless helped with treatment (which is very rare), remain emotionally stunted children whose deficient empathy and self-centered neediness intensify with aging.

    They view growing old as a series of ravaging defeats that they struggle against with denial, rage, resentment, and/or depressed resignation.
     

    Having relied heavily on externalities such as their looks, wealth, trophy partners, possessions, connections, conquests, fame, or professional achievement to fortify their fragile self-esteem, older narcissists find themselves increasingly stripped of their defenses and diminished in their ability to charm, influence, impress, manipulate, and otherwise control others.
     

    Since narcissists nearly always refuse to take responsibility for their actions or circumstances, they grow bitter and feel victimized by life, blaming others for their disappointments.
     

    Going to Extremes

    Narcissists tend to age into extreme versions of their worst selves. And when dementia comes into the picture, it only exacerbates matters. Aging narcissists typically become more: desperate, deluded, isolated, paranoid, defensive, bitter, angry, rigid, mean, abusive.
     

    Isolation

    Because of narcissists' lack of compassion and their antagonism, as they age their relationships and friendships often falter or fail, leaving them lonely and isolated.
     

    Spouses may have left or withdrawn to avoid their criticism and combativeness. Adult children may have pulled away or cut contact altogether because of their toxic influence. Their grandchildren may be estranged from them because their adult children have asserted boundaries to protect their kids.
     

    Friends may have pulled away because of their unmasked arrogance, selfishness, and envy. Neighbors and other community members may have rejected them because of their callous behavior and rude assertions of superiority and entitlement. Extended family may have excluded them because of their divisiveness.
     

    Bigotry

    As their personal power fades and their social sphere narrows, narcissists are more likely to look for scapegoats anywhere they can. Their increasingly desperate grandiose delusions often bring out bigotry and assertions of superiority over marginalized people, including other old people.
     
    Aging narcissists often express ageism, sexism, queer phobia, and racism to bolster themselves against their tormented feelings of lost power over others.

    How to Cope with Hurting Someone You Love


    The people closest to you, like family members or a romantic partner, are often the ones you interact with the most and may also be easier to hurt due to attachment.
     

    Understanding the evidence-backed reasons people may intentionally or unintentionally hurt their loved ones can help you navigate your relationship patterns and start repairing connections. In addition, you may benefit from learning how therapy can help you gain healthy, productive ways to control and communicate your emotions.
     

    Attachment styles as a foundation


    "Forming intimate relationships is a fundamental human motive. Emotions play a critical role in intimate relationships - they are central to the development and maintenance of these bonds, and these very bonds can influence both individual and interpersonal emotional dynamics across time."—Emotional Dynamics in Intimate Relationships.
      

    According to attachment theory, humans develop their method of connecting to people emotionally during childhood, primarily based on how their parents or caregivers attend to their needs.
     

    Psychologist John Bowlby first proposed the theory in the 1940s as an evolutionary explanation of how humans develop emotional attachments to ensure the species' survival. Below are the primary attachment styles and how they might manifest in your relationships.
     

    Secure

    If you have a secure attachment style, you may have received reliable, responsive care from your parents or guardians as a child, with emotional warmth and age-appropriate responsibilities and expectations. People with secure attachment styles often have a favorable view of themselves regarding capability, worthiness, and dependability. They often extend this view to others, finding it easier to accept care and offer it in return.
     

    Dismissive (avoidant)

    With a dismissive or avoidant attachment style, you may have been raised by caregivers who failed to express emotions openly or emphasized the need for independence and self-reliance. People with an avoidant attachment style often rely only on themselves and may have trouble trusting others. They often view themselves positively while seeing others in a negative light.

    These individuals may see themselves as capable and worthy of love but have challenges trusting or depending on a partner to love and support them in return. This pattern could lead you to ignore others, break up with people quickly, or take long breaks from socialization.
     

    Fearful-avoidant (disorganized)

    If you have a fearful-avoidant or disorganized attachment style, you may have been raised in an environment where your emotional and physical needs weren't met. Children who experience indifference, fear, harsh criticism, abuse, or neglect often have trouble relating to others as adults. They may have a negative view of themselves and others, so they often have difficulty providing and accepting love and support in a relationship due to negative self-esteem, previous experience, or trust issues. They may go back and forth between wanting connection and running from it.
     

    Preoccupied (anxious)

    People who were raised with inconsistent care as children often develop a preoccupied attachment style. Caregivers or parents may have alternated between distant disapproval and loving warmth during childhood, leaving you uncertain whether your needs would be met. As an adult, you might struggle with abandonment issues or a negative self-view while seeing others as competent and trustworthy. You may go out of your way to seek approval and demonstrate intense adverse reactions over behaviors related to emotional distance and withdrawal.

    Why do I hurt the people I love?


    When you form emotional attachments to others, you both may be more vulnerable to emotional harm. Harm can be intentional or unintentional and may not always be severe. However, regardless of the reason you've hurt someone's feelings, there may be steps you can take to repair your relationship. Below are a few reasons people might hurt those they love.
     

    You fear emotional intimacy

    Many people have alexithymia, another word for fear of emotional intimacy. Alexithymia is characterized by difficulty with attachment security and mood variables and can negatively impact relationship satisfaction. A strong emotional connection between partners is essential for an open, loving relationship.
     

    People with emotional intimacy issues often have trouble communicating with their partners, expressing their feelings and needs, and reliably supporting others. This difficulty can extend to other relationships, leading them to hold back their feelings from those close to them. The people in their lives may think they are indifferent or disinterested.
     

    The following are a few tips for building healthy emotional intimacy with others:

    • Make yourself emotionally available to your partner and loved ones.
       
    • Say daily affirmations and praises with your partner.
       
    • Ensure you and your partner achieve sexual satisfaction in your relationship.
       
    • Break away from your established daily routine.
       
    • Listen actively without judgment.
       
    • Express gratitude.
       
    • Reach out for professional help and guidance.
       

    You want to avoid codependency

    Feeling smothered or suffocated in a relationship may be due to a fear of codependency, a behavioral and emotional condition affecting your ability to form and maintain healthy, mutually satisfying relationships. Co-dependent relationships often involve emotionally destructive or abusive patterns, and you may lash out at your partner to avoid giving them the power to hurt you.
      

    You are impulsive and don't consider the consequences

    Many people are impulsive and don't take the time to consider the consequences of their words and actions. While that can be a symptom of certain mental health conditions, it could also indicate that you feel safe and loved. However, not considering your words' consequences may cause your loved ones emotional harm. If you notice a pattern and want to accept responsibility and make a meaningful change, try to take a few minutes and deep breaths before responding during a conversation.
     

    You have low self-esteem

    People with low self-esteem may place low value on their emotional needs and reactions, so they could be unaware of how their words and actions might hurt others. Part of well-rounded, adaptable well-being is ensuring your needs are met and learning how to recognize and support the emotions of your loved ones.
     

    You have an agenda

    In some cases, you might find that the harm you cause others is intentional. If you manipulate someone else to achieve a specific result, you may treat them negatively so they will respond how you want them to. Putting a partner down or mistreating them can create a power imbalance in the relationship and may be abusive or unhealthy. If you're acting this way toward someone else, consider contacting a mental health professional for guidance. Behaviors can often be changed.
     

    You enjoy inflicting pain on others

    In some cases, people might hurt others or cause their partner pain because they enjoy doing so. However, harming someone you love may indicate a more profound psychological concern. In these cases, try to take a step back from the relationship and seek professional support from a licensed therapist to understand why you feel the need to inflict harm.
     

    You feel safe and expect them to listen

    When you feel safe and loved in a relationship, you may lash out at your partner, feeling that they'll listen to you or won't leave you if they're hurt. However, hurting your partner because you don't think they'll leave you may be unhealthy. Instead, you might benefit from considering how the person you're talking to might feel if you don't consider your words.
     

    You seek attention, love, or affection

    Some people hurt their loved ones or intentionally cause stress and conflict because they crave love, attention, or affection and believe the other person will respond emotionally, indicating love. Instead of inciting specific reactions in others, consider taking responsibility and telling people how you feel and what you need to feel happy and safe.
     

    Additional reasons you might hurt loved ones

    Below are a few additional reasons why you might harm loved ones emotionally:

    • You are jealous of your partner's achievements.
        
    • You feel taken for granted in the relationship.
       
    • You are projecting guilt, self-loathing, or shame.
       
    • You have trouble seeing their perspective.
       
    • You have an avoidant attachment style.
       
    • You indulge in self-destructive behavior or self-sabotage.
       
    • You are testing relationship boundaries.
          

    If you notice a pattern of frequently lashing out and hurting the people you love, consider working with a licensed therapist.
     

    Takeaway

    Many people lash out at those closest to them. There are a few psychological reasons you may hurt someone you love, and therapy may help you develop healthy ways to communicate your feelings and emotional needs. Consider contacting a counselor for further guidance as you navigate healthy attachment, and know that changing your attachment style is possible.

    Source: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/the-causes-of-hurting-someone-you-love/

    Resources for Narcissists

    Myths About Narcissists
    How to Stop Devaluing People
    How to Develop Whole Object Relations*
    Can a Narcissist Change?
    Handling Regression After Progress
    Devaluation
    Narcissism

    Opinion Articles & Comments:

     
    “Narcissists tend to not age well. Because they do not mature with age (Ns do not mature beyond the emotional age of a teenager and most stop around 3-6 years old) they depend solely on their charms and appearance to attract people. As their physical appearance decays, they are left with nothing but their socially immature behaviors. As their personality is built on appearance only, they are revolted for no longer being able to be themselves and their outbursts of narcissistic rage become more frequent.


    By this time their children either have grown up and left or are completely destroyed, homeless or in mental hospitals or even have committed suicide, leaving them without their primary source of narcissistic supply. 

    It is common for narcissists to end up in poverty, as they spend all their money on appearances to try to impress people and do not make plans for the future, since they believe they are omnipotent and will always have someone they can manipulate into supporting them. They believe they own their children, and actually raise children to become their nurses at old age, and marry for the same purpose, but as their children or spouse at this point are either destroyed themselves or fed up by the abuse, they won't. If a narcissist has money, he will go through plastic surgery, hair implants, everything to try to keep his youthful looks and will behave as a 25 year old in their 50s and 60s, which looks ridiculous to everyone else, further driving people away. 

    They have made so many victims to testimony their abuse that now everyone knows about their true self. This is called a "collapsed narcissist", who have lost all his source of narcissistic supply and has no more reason to live. People now can see the narcissist for what he is: a ridiculous, selfish, immature, horrible person. The narcissist will resort to naïve attempts to try to keep a social life, but unable to keep people captive, as he lacks his old charms, he will always be left behind. Anyone who stays with them for some time will suffer continuous abuse, as the narcissist is now just a bitter person. They lack any real feeling or emotion, envy people who do, and can no longer get narcissistic supply to distract themselves from their inner emptiness.

    If you go to a party with a collapsed narcissist, he will ramble all the time about all these stupid people daring to have fun in front of him when there is no actual reason to do so and shout at you for trying to socialize with others, leaving him behind. There is no longer a cycle of abuse, there is a continuous storm, he can no longer charm the person into staying by pretending to be nice, then burst into a narcissistic rage and blame the person for something. No one will want to be with such a person. My father ended up exactly like this. It's sad.”

    Opinion Article:


    I think the mellow can be passivity instead of an actual relaxing.
     

    They become more unhappy as they figure out the limitations of aging or aren't where they feel they "should be" in life. They'll find themselves more alone because everyone has grown tired of being used, the twists of reality, and the victimhood. It takes a lot to be in a relationship - whether love or family - with a narcissist.

    As they age, they become very good at being victims. When you combine that with twisting of reality, it can still leave you feeling like you are crazy. That doesn't change.

    They still lie. They still hide everything. They'll still paint themselves as the victim - especially to others. And still get angry without the ability to communicate, hear you or alter their perspective like most adult relationships.

    They will turn from being very angry to really being very bitter - all while not taking full responsibility. Although at times, they look like they do. I always say that a true test of who someone truly is comes out when A) No one is looking and  B) When they feel insulted, questioned or challenged..

    The rage is still there. So is the sense of entitlement. And in those moments, they forget they are aging.
    An aging narcissist learns behavior but empathy and the I'm sorrys are still hollow. With age does not come self reflection like many people go through.

    For example: "I know I'm a bad husband." But later reveals that they actually don't really think that. It turns into a "Well, this is what I am told... but I actually treat you good especially when ...[fill in the blank for all the ways you don't deserve to be treated well]."

    There are different levels of narcissism. If you are involved with an aging narcissist, there is something else to think about: Alzheimer's and Dementia. The rate of these two are rapidly growing in the American society.


    It is believed that the underlying personality of someone comes out when they have dementia. This is what largely determines if a dementia person is violent and dangerous.


    I've dealt with people that have violent dementia. It is often unprovoked and comes out of the blue. It also can be so violent that you didn't see it coming. If you think that it is easy to control someone that is older and weaker in a violent outburst - think again. Anger and Rage give a strange power and strength.
    What do you think happens when a narcissist starts to show signs of dementia - especially early onset?


    What is their underlying personality?


    How wiling do you think they are to get help? Even for Alzheimer's symptoms?


    Someone asked in another question, "What happens when you tell a narcissist that they are a narcissist?"

     
    Someone diagnosed with narcissism put it the best way possible - "Nothing. What are you expecting to happen? A sweep of clarity to come over me and for me to go, "Oh my goodness! Silly me! I'm totally a narcissist! Thank you for giving me this insight on my behavior. Where would I be without you?" Lmao. Of course that won't happen."


    Exactly. I made the mistake of telling a narcissist that I believe he should go get tested for early onset Alzheimer's. It runs in his family and the symptoms were really starting to affect his life. I told him early medication can stop the progression and there are natural methods that have shown to reverse it.


    He listened and said ok. No anger. And didn't do anything with it. The first time he couldn't remember driving directions (right down the road for home) in a town he grew up and has lived 50+ years, I suggested it again. I later bought some supplements to help.


    He appeared to be open. Passive but open.


    One day, during an outburst, his feelings about Alzheimer's came out. He was fine. I was the one that was "crazy". I didn't have any qualifications to try to diagnose him. And then an outburst about everything that had nothing to do with the issue at hand. The normal tirade with twists.


    Which in reality is true. However, I've experienced it before with a couple of people. I did see warning signs and I did see the changes in him that warranted concern.

    This adds another layer of uncertainty, twists and trauma for the people in a relationship with a narcissist. And then the question arises: morally, is it ok to turn your back on someone that has Alzheimer's and needs help? It is a disease. And whether they want help or not, at some point they will be incapable of making that choice for themselves.


    If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, know that the odds are that you will have to deal with Alzheimer's as well.

    As others have stated, they appear to mellow. They will quickly snap out of the mellowness if they feel challenged.

    Opinion Article:


    As I've posted elsewhere: My father eventually killed himself.

     

    He'd had a stroke but a nurse in his co. told him she thought he was having another. This was after a reasonable recovery from the first stroke but...even when he went back to work after the first one co worker noted he "was fading fast" with mental faculties etc. I think when the nurse told him he was having a second stroke he panicked. Most people would run to the ER or call their doctor. Not him. He ran for the overpass.

    There is an irony there! We two girls struggled financially, thought we were self sufficient for two single ladies. But had he not depleted our college funds and wrecked the family's financial footing we would have both gone on to college and degrees. I was a (almost) straight A student until forced to work a job while still going to school and dealing with the stress of him. Grades took a plummet. What I am trying to say was at 29 and 32 years of age under normal circumstances his daughters would have been diploma'd women in professional fields with an earning power that could have been used to helped him but... he sewed the seeds of his own destruction in that direction years before. Put us behind the 8 ball. Now we were in no position to help much even if we wanted to. And at that time we did still care, despite it all.

    Worst of all he cried to my sis that if he hadn't broken up with his last girlfriend "she would be taking care of me now in my old age." My sis let him know that was not love. I saw the letters he sent to that poor sweet woman and he tore her apart. Said vile things to her and about her daughter. Plus character assassinated both of them to others. (And everything said about her was true about him. That she was cold, unfeeling, had no soul and used people.) Worst of all in earlier correspondence I saw where he tried to manipulate some alone time with the then teenage daughter. I now know what that meant! Both women - the ex and her daughter- came to the house where my dad rented a room, so the ex girlfriend could offer condolences. Her daughter stared in such away at us as to annoy my sister and make her uncomfortable. I had a pretty uneasy feeling I knew why but I said nothing beyond small talk. ( Where ever she is now I wish her peace. I wish all his victims peace. He didn't even have to touch them. Just getting inside a young girl's head he would have done damage.)

    The truth was I suspect my mom was my Dad's biggest and steadiest "supply" and when he put her in an early grave it was all down hill after that. He never remarried. 


    Each ADULT woman was going to disappoint him and make him lash out. He was getting too old to get his hands on an adolescent girl which is what he really wanted. He was bad for my mother but she was the best thing he ever had. Cooking, ironing, cleaning and picking up after him. Catering to his every need. (That man insisted on a hot meal even in 100 degree weather! I still remember her slaving over that stove when my sis and I told her we'd be happy to eat cold salad. "No your father has to have a hot meal.") Even after she died he thought he could do better. Wrong! 
     

    He had a room with a land lady so he didn't live in squalor and they treated him like part of the family, bless them. Without them it would have been way worse to clean out his "estate" because he never lifted a finger when it came to housework. Beneath him. Everybody and every job was beneath him. To the very end. He liked being a security guard because it gave him a uniform and a feeling of authority.


    In all his journals he beseeched God for a wife. And in all his journals IF he mentioned my mother the comments were cold, dismissive and full of misdirected blame. I felt a lot of guilt when my mother died but none when he went. I did feel sorrow when he died (not knowing about narcissism, like I do now). But no guilt. He made his bed. I'm glad now, looking back, that at the end he got to experience some of the powerlessness he inflicted on others who crossed his path. His pain spanned a much shorter time frame than most of his victims. He got off easy.”
    June 28, 2017

    SOURCES: https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/what-happens-when-narcissists-get-old/
    https://www.balancepsychologies.com/post/2018/03/26/the-fate-of-narcissism-in-old-age

    A narcissist's desire is to be the center of attention and praise can remain challenging in adjusting to the passing years. Society's association between youth and beauty can lead people preoccupied with their appearance feeling vulnerable. The question is whether, and how, they meet this challenge.


    People with narcissistic personality disorder see themselves as the center of attention, and crave the approval and admiration of others. Short of having a diagnosable personality disorder, however, there are many other people who have narcissistic tendencies that lead them to see themselves in a favorable light.

       

    But what the narcissist can't do is dodge the effects of dementia. As a progressive indiscriminate disorder which sometimes transforms into Alzheimer's or other disorders, dementia affects every area of the brain in a random order. What seemed natural and habitual now becomes foreign and difficult. Memory becomes scattered and unreliable. Familiar people become strangers or even enemies that are out to get them.

     

    For the narcissist, this is completely unacceptable. Most narcissists rely heavily on their cognitive abilities as a way of constantly demonstrating superiority over others in performance, influence, power, beauty, or money. Any sign that is is deteriorating or diminishing is out of the question, something that cannot and will not be tolerated. This is when the narcissist is most at risk for suicidal behavior.
     

    Make no mistake; narcissists don't threaten suicide just to get attention, they actually follow-through on the action especially when they begin to view their superior identity as slightly inferior. They would rather die, than be revealed as fallible, vulnerable, or depending on someone else to do the basics of life. When a person has spent their entire life belittling and mocking those believed to be beneath them, they cannot in the end be revealed like them.


    There are seven stages to the progression of dementia as listed below. However, how a narcissist responds to each stage is very different from other patients. This is because the narcissism is like a web inside their brain effecting more than one area.

    No Dementia: No Cognitive Decline. This first stage is what pre-dementia looks like where there is no memory loss and a person, including the narcissist, functions normally.

    No Dementia: Very Mild Cognitive Decline. As a person ages, forgetfulness becomes typical but it doesn't impair normal functioning. For the narcissist, their forgetfulness is often blamed on others.


    No Dementia: 
    Mild Cognitive Decline. Forgetfulness becomes more consistent and trouble concentrating for long periods of time increases as work performance declines. Narcissists begin to notice this stage but work very hard to hide it from others. It is typical for them to have increased aggravation over their perceived slowness which they frequently project onto others.

    Early Stage: 
    Moderate Cognitive Decline. Despite the best efforts of the narcissist, their decreased cognitive abilities become apparent to others. They typically struggle to remember even recent events, accidentally send too much money to the electrical company, or getting lost easily when in new locations. Complex work tasks become too difficult but the narcissist won't admit to it. Instead they will blame others and distract with elaborate stories of past successes. To avoid embarrassment (the Achilles heel of the narcissist), they withdraw from family and friends. When needed, the narcissist can function at a select event for a short period of time but as soon as it is done, so are they. The disengagement is extreme and may even appear catatonic.

    Mid-Stage: 

    Moderately Severe Cognitive Decline. The memory deficiencies become significant as even common tasks such as cooking, dressing, or grooming require some sort of assistance. Some narcissists can weather this stage well if they have a caretaker who is willing to pamper them and tolerate their aggravation. But others slip rapidly into a depressive state which adds to the frustration. They may not remember major life events or people any longer. However, what the narcissist values is definitely revealed at this stage. If work over family was important, they won't remember family vacations but can still remember a major deal they negotiated.


    Mid-Stage: 
    Severe Cognitive Decline. This is when suicidality becomes a possibility if they are able to carry out the task. No longer able to care for themselves and having embarrassing problems such as eating or bowel control, narcissists shut down. For brief periods of time, the narcissism will disappear and what the person would be like without it appears. This becomes a hope that most family members cling to but the progression of the dementia is so advanced now that it becomes discouraging. It is also common for the narcissist to have delusional thinking such as watching something on TV and believing they are actually doing it. Anger outbursts are common as are paranoid delusions. The narcissist is so convincing even at this stage that they are able to draw in others into their delusional state.


    Late-Stage: 
    Very Severe Cognitive Decline. At the last stage, there is little to no communication, psychomotor skills, or walking. Everything requires assistance and the narcissist is a shell of what they once were. No longer able to recognize themselves or others, all of the narcissistic symptoms have disappeared along with their personality.
     


    Final thoughts

    Watching any person go through these stages is traumatic; however there is a glimmer of awareness that is unique to a narcissist who has dementia. 

    The key lies in remembering the brief moments when the non-narcissistic side of them appeared. This is who they really were, instead of whom they became.
    DISCLAIMER & SOURCES